The lockout is stupid and I hope it keeps going

The amount of "tree falls in the forest but no one hears it does it make a sound" jokes that went through my head when trying to figure out a headline...well that was really the only one I thought of. The circumstances change from minute to minute. Yesterday a deal was 95% done and today I read an article that said the players and owners were no closer to making a deal than they were two months ago. My guess as to when the lockout ends is worth about the same as this blog.

I'll admit I'm a college basketball fan through and through. The style of the game is far and away more entertaining to watch, because I can relate to unathletic white guys makin it rain from 20 feet all day. I've tried liking the league a bunch of times and could never get into it. I guess watching dudes who are going to make more money in a year than I'll make in a lifetime dog it for 48 minutes just never tickled my fancy. But that's just me. I know there are plenty of people out there who are so NBA starved that they sleep with their LeBron jerseys under their pillows every night and weep.

The thing about the lockout is I can see this working out for the league. How sweet would a drastically shortened season be? It would be like 3-4 months of playoffs. Imagine a scenario of a 29 game season. Each teams plays each other once, so in essence a round robin, and you'd cut the playoff spots in half. Built in playoff games for ties for fourth place in each conference. Head to head record for seeding tie breakers up top. Best of five game series. A shorter season format will do wonders for getting fans into the teams' seats who claim that they hemorrhage money every season. I'd watch the shit out of that and I can guarantee you it'd be a playoff atmosphere just about every game. Worst case scenario you can find out which fan bases don't deserve a team and give em the axe to quit the owners' bitching about revenue sharing.

The players cant afford to keep missing paychecks. If anyone blinks first it will be them just because there will be more dissent from the scrubs of the league than the poorest owners. Thirty owners can stick together sitting on their mountains of money longer than the players who just bought a yacht on layaway.

If I don't get a sweet shortened format I'm not going to watch the regular season. It's boring and the players don't care so why should I? Wake me up when the playoffs start so I can clear out the two fuckin months it takes to play those.

Syracuse Basketball Preview

The Syracuse basketball team enters the 2011-2012 season with high expectations. National polls and pundits have Syracuse among the top ten and in most cases, top five best teams in the country.

Forward Rick Jackson is the only significant loss from a team that went 27-8 last year before a crushing second-round NCAA Tournament loss to Marquette. Let’s take a look at this year’s Orange squad.

Guards:

It all starts with enigmatic point guard Scoop Jardine. Last year he drove Orange fans crazy with his inconsistent play and poor crunch-time decisions. Buried in the negatives is the fact that Jardine tied for the conference lead in assists at a shade under six per game. Over the summer he was selected for a USA team and played in China. There is no question he is the most vocal member of the team. As the senior leader, it’s up to Jardine to steer the team and be a steady hand. If he has the confidence in his teammates, expect his scoring to go down and his assists to go up. He’s arguably the best point guard in the conference along with Pittsburgh’s Ashton Gibbs and Louisville’s Peyton Siva.

Next to Jardine is junior Brandon Triche. He’s a hard-to-read player. He rarely shows his emotion during the game but has the ability to be the crunch time scorer the team desperately needs. He trimmed down during the off-season and is finally adjusted to his role as a scorer instead of distributor. This is a make-or-break year for Triche. He has to show Orange fans he can be counted on to make the big play. Last year he was prone to disappearing for large stretches of the game. This year he could continue to be a 12 point per game guy or finally use his talent and make the leap to Big East POY numbers.

The third guard in the rotation is Dion Waiters. The sophomore struggled for most of the season and went through his share of adversity. He also trimmed down and could be the scoring punch Syracuse needs off the bench. He is probably the best on the team at getting to the hoop, proof in his relentless drives during the tournament loss to Marquette last year. Syracuse also has two true freshmen in Michael Carter-Williams and Trevor Cooney. Both have received positive reviews in practice but coach Jim Boeheim is notorious for his short bench so it’s possible he sticks with Jardine, Triche, and Waiters with the freshman getting minutes sparingly.

Forwards:

Senior small forward Kris Joseph is the other team leader along with Jardine. He has developed slowly throughout his career, going from key bench player, to solid starter and now the potential to be the team’s leading scorer. He has always been strong with the ball, maybe he even too strong considering the amount of charges he got last year. Still, he’s another talented veteran player who can consistently score between 14-20 points every game. His three-point shot improved greatly last year and the hope is that he’s added a pull-up jumper to complement his driving game.

One of the most intriguing names for Syracuse is sophomore C.J. Fair. The lefty quickly became a fan favorite with his unorthodox yet effective game, immediately conjuring up memories of Orange favorite Josh Pace. Fair is battling for a starting position with freshman Rakeem Christmas but ultimately it doesn’t really matter who starts because Fair will certainly be in Boeheim’s crunch-time lineup. The best part about Fair’s game is that he seems to always be in the right spot. He’s added range to his jump-shot and some strength to his upper body. He’s tailor made for the 2-3 zone and will get his share of steals, blocks, and big defensive plays.

Along with Christmas, junior James Southerland is in the mix for minutes at forward. He’s a 6-8 shooter with fantastic athletic ability. Unfortunately his athleticism hasn’t translated to solid defense and rebounding. If he can improve those, he will become another important contributor. Christmas, a McDonald’s All-American is still learning the game on offense and will see the court if he can learn the 2-3 zone and rebound well.

Centers:

Pretty simple here, how far the team goes depends on the inside scoring. Sophomores Fab Melo and Baye Keita offered very little. Melo was the hyped freshman but struggled through weight problems and had a tough time getting used to the rugged and demanding Big East schedule. He’s lost weight and will improve this year. Keita is another offensively-challenged player who will make his mark with good defense and rebounding.

Syracuse can win the national title if:

Scoop Jardine cuts down on turnovers, especially crunch-time turnovers.

Kris Joseph or Brandon Triche become the team’s go-to scoring option

Fab Melo and Baye Keita combined to surpass the production of Rick Jackson last year (13.0 ppg and 10.6 rpg).

Dion Waiters and C.J. Fair avoid the sophomore slump.

The team improves on their 65.9% team free-throw numbers (Last in Big East in 10-11).

They avoid the horrible upset bug over the last 7 years (Vermont, Texas A&M, Butler).

Starting Lineup:

Jardine, Triche, Joseph, Fair, Melo.

Bench: Waiters, Keita, Christmas, Southerland/Carter-Williams.

Late game lineup:

Jardine, Triche, Joseph, Fair, Keita.

Predictions:

Regular Season: 27-4.
NCAA Tournament: Final Four.
Leading Scorer: Kris Joseph.
Breakout Player: C.J. Fair.
Most Improved: Fab Melo.

Do it to 'em Victor, Hawks win 5-4 in OT

Kane: dirty. Stalberg continues his tour de force. Great comeback and way to stand tall after giving up the late goal. Take the two points and lets hit the road.

Tits, Ass, or Elbow... brought to you by the freshly unemployed/buzzed Tony La Russa

Welcome to the second installment of Tits, Ass, or Elbow. Since my last post was such a huge hit in the comment section, I've been invited back. Here we go:

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Would you stab your dad like this lady if he didn't give you his potato salad?

Florida- One charge of aggravated assault, with a side of rage.

Police in Florida arrested a 45-year-old woman after she allegedly attacked her father for refusing to share his potato salad.

Officials say that Karen Henry, of Palm Bay, became enraged during the Oct. 22 incident, wielding a knife against her 80-year-old father and verbally abusing him, CBS Tampa reports.

"Karen became very angry that she could not have the potato salad and began throwing and breaking items," a report obtained by The Daytona Beach News-Journal states. "[She] then grabbed a large kitchen knife and began threatening [her father] with it."

Henry's father, Hubert, defended himself with a chair before retreating to his bedroom for safety, according to reports.

Shortly after police arrested Henry, she began complaining of abdominal pains. Authorities allowed the suspect to be treated at Florida Hospital Flagler, only to catch her on the phone pleading with her father to drop the charges against her. As a result, police added an additional charge to Henry's file: tampering with a witness.

Let's get one thing straight. Potato salad is absolutely disgusting. As a matter of fact, all of those "salads" covered in mayo and shit are so bad that I think if I were starving I'd rather wither away and die rather than eat a giant plate full of potato salad. I mean look at this:

That looks like what comes up after a night of tequila shots and fries at the bar, not a father-stabbing worthy five star French dish. Which is precisely why Karen Henry is batshit crazy. Forget wanting to slice your dad open because he wouldn't share his food with you. I might be willing to sympathize if it were something like Arby's curly fries with some Arby's three pepper sauce. It's fucking potato salad. 

How about the giant middle finger from the police department for the tampering with a witness charge when she asked her dad to drop the charges? Ouch.

Aramis gone, Dempster exercises his Hendry clause

I gotta say I'm pretty bummed about Aramis testing out free agency. To decline $16MM, to me, says I'd rather take a pay cut and play for someone else than stick around here and play for your sorry ass team. Aramis had provided some of the most clutch hits in the last decade. The one that sticks out to me the most was back in 2008 when he hit a walk off HR against Milwaukee right around the 4th of July. Right then I knew we were a real team, and promptly got swept out of the playoffs. I also remember his lack thereof in the 2008 and 2009 playoffs, but right now we're going to remember the good times. More seriously though, Ramirez was our best hitter for the past five years or so, and I think he was better than Lee except for his near Triple Crown season. The good news about this is it frees up a huge amount of money for new management, the bad news it means we lose the anchor of our lineup for the past few seasons, albeit only when he was healthy. He'll get his money as the best 3B out there, but please god don't sign within the division.

On the other hand is Dempster. The good news with him picking up his option is that he will eat innings as we trudge through next season. The bad news (and there's a lot more of it) is his ERA has gone up the past 3 seasons and jumped almost two full runs from 2008 in his first full year as a starter to last year. His WHIP has jumped from 1.210 to 1.448 and gone up every year in that time frame as well. He's undoubtedly in the twilight years of his career. It's almost certainly his last year with the team unless he wants to take a giant discount after next season, and hopefully he plays well in his contract year and we get anywhere close to a pitcher worth the $14MM he will make. Despite being a year older and his performance steadily decreasing, he can come back in great shape and give the Cubs one more serviceable year on the mound. Unfortunately for him I don't think Epstein's analysis incorporates Harry Caray impressions when he evaluates who to keep in 2012. And even then David Holland is obviously the better choice in that category.

The Hoyer/Epstein reign has begun.

Drunk guy breaks into apartments looking for beer, stabs a guy with a corkscrew

Bucktown - A Chicago man was charged over the weekend for assaulting one man and stabbing another after breaking into two Bucktown apartments in search of beer. 

Police say hotel event coordinator Tim Snyder, 36, of the 1500 block of North Milwaukee, broke into an apartment building around 4 a.m. Saturday on the 1300 block of North Dean, according to the Sun-Times.

Snyder allegedly entered one apartment and headed straight for the fridge.

When he didn’t find any beer, he allegedly punched a man and left, breaking into another unit. In the second apartment prosecutors said he struggled with another man, who he allegedly stabbed in the back with a corkscrew.

Start throwing locks on your fridges everybody. I'm surprised this doesn't happen more often. As I've said everyone steals something when they're drunk at some point in their lives. Tim Snyder might be the smartest drunk thief there is. His plan is beautiful in its simplicity. Just break down some doors and jack some miller high lifes with no remorse. Doesn't matter if it means someone gets a corkscrew in the back or punched in the face. That's a man with unbreakable determination and you can do nothing but respect that.

Chicago Sports Rundown 10/30/11

A quick synopsis of each of Chicago's professional athletic teams minus the Sox because fuck them.

Not a whole lot going on with the lockout, baseball season just ending, and the Bears on a bye.

HAWKS: The Hawks took last week's post to heart and immediately got a shootout win over the Ducks at home. Emilio Estevez' advice to triple deke on each shot didn't do any good, after a game long strategy of flying V formations, and Goldberg had a poor showing in goal.

More after the jump...

Buffalo law firm and top US foreclosure firm celebrates Halloween by dressing up as the people they made homeless

Buffalo - On Friday, the law firm of Steven J. Baum threw a Halloween party. The firm, which is located near Buffalo, is what is commonly referred to as a “foreclosure mill” firm, meaning it represents banks and mortgage servicers as they attempt to foreclose on homeowners and evict them from their homes. Steven J. Baum is, in fact, the largest such firm in New York; it represents virtually all the giant mortgage lenders, including Citigroup, JPMorgan Chase, Bank of America and Wells Fargo.

The party is the firm’s big annual bash. Employees wear Halloween costumes to the office, where they party until around noon, and then return to work, still in costume. I can’t tell you how people dressed for this year’s party, but I can tell you about last year’s.

That’s because a former employee of Steven J. Baum recently sent me snapshots of last year’s party. In an e-mail, she said that she wanted me to see them because they showed an appalling lack of compassion toward the homeowners — invariably poor and down on their luck — that the Baum firm had brought foreclosure proceedings against. 

That's how you stick it to those hippie douchebags. Dress up as them. It's brilliant. Such a slap in the face to all the homeless families withering away in the snowstorms pounding the northeast right now. Bloomberg dick slaps the OWSers and takes away their generators and sources of heat before the snowstorm. Not a good turn of events for these guys. Everyone laughing right in their faces like yeah I got your 99% right here buddy.

But really this just seems like a cop out. I'm struggling to come up with the most basic costume ideas and these 1%ers just have their halloweens put on a tee for them. I guess everything is gravy for the people who work to get where they are and something about that seems fishy. Where's my handout? I just want a good Halloween idea.

Girl pulls off amazing cannonball

Painful Trampoline-To-Pool Jump Fail - Watch MoreFunny Videos

I thought I remembered seeing this girl in the high dives at the Olympics

God didn't want Syracuse to win

I'm not going to make excuses for what just happened out there. Louisville dominated every single facet of the game from start to finish. I can't think of one area where Cuse was the superior team, which is shocking coming off of last weeks win.

That being said, I'm gonna chalk that loss up to factors outside of the teams control. Can't beat a team that has a motivational factor like a player getting nearly paralyzed the week before and walking out to the middle of the field during the next weeks game. There's really nothing you can do. God or karma or whatever had determined the outcome before we stepped on the field. Nice try though boys.

Random thoughts:

Cuse might be the slowest team in the conference. Louisville might be the fastest. The team is clearly not BCS worthy and I'm glad we proved this tonight rather than getting embarrassed in January in front of a national audience. The Orange were hung over from last weeks win and it showed. Next week at Uconn where hopefully they look a little sharper.

Cuse preview and highlights of the college slate

Cuse and Louisville in less than an hour and lets hope Marrone can carry some momentum from last week into today, and Nassib continues to lead this apparently high powered offense. Cuse and Louisville have the same Big East record at 1-1. A loss for either will probably eliminate that team from title contention, and god help the Big East team that gets to go play Clemson in the BCS. Louisville's QB Teddy Bridgewater isn't great but not not terrible either, with pedestrian stats in completion %, yards, and TDs. The Cardinals use three running backs and rely on the ground game to set up their offense. I guess they upset, if you can call it that, Rutgers last week 16-14. The more I watch the teams in this conference the more I realize that there's no such thing as an upset. Everyone can beat everyone. Which is to say every team is incredibly mediocre relative to the rest of the conferences in the country. Cuse needs this win as much as any other game so lets drop 50 more today on the Cards.

Not much else today in terms of must see games. The biggest game will be number 9 Oklahoma vs. number 8 and undefeated Kansas St. Oklahoma looking to right the ship after their tough shootout loss to Texas Tech last week, which also seriously damaged their title chances. Game is in the other Manhattan but Stoops will have his guys motivated to come out and play.

For an upset I'll take USC at home over Stanford. Don't get me wrong Andrew Luck is easily the best quarterback in the country and their offense's lowest scoring output was 37 at Arizona. They just dropped 65 on #25 Washington. But this is the primetime ABC game tonight and the Rose Bowl is going to be packed. USC has played a tougher schedule than Stanford and come out at 6-1 with a loss to ASU.  The Trojans will be riding high and I think they'll step up to the plate and Matt Barkley will take down the Cardinal and end Stanford's title hopes.

Michigan State and Nebraska in the suddenly wide open B1G. A loss for Nebraska will end their B1G title game hopes.

Enjoy the games and go Cuse.

Clearly theres no parity in MLB, Cards were 10 games back at the end of August

The Cardinals were 7 games back at the beginning of September. To put that in football terms thats being a game back in the playoff hunt with one game left and making it into the playoffs because of a tiebreaker. They knocked off the Phillies in the first round. Equate that to beating the Packers, the most superior team in an inferior conference in football. They beat the Brewers and advanced to the world series to play the Rangers who had made it to the World Series the year before, and had Nelson Cruz who was coming off a series in which he hit 6 home runs. Five of the games in this series were absolutely incredible and came down to little moments in the game. Side note: one of the greatest games in baseball history occurred 24 hours earlier. Playoff baseball games are some of the most dramatic and captivating events in sports and anyone who saw this series would attest to that. For anyone who missed this series, and any of these playoffs really, I just feel bad for you. More drama, more story, and just incredible performances that will stick with me for a long long time. I was pulling for the Rangers this whole series but can do nothing but respect the shit out of the Cards for what they brought to the table and for how gutty of a performance this was for the entire team top to bottom. From Pujols to Motte this team deserved to win the title. A great performance and a great series in a sport that gets a bad rap for having some of the more forgettable championship games in recent memory. Congrats to the Cards and lets go Cubs in 2012.

Welcome to... Tits, Ass, or Elbow!!!

I think we all (four of us reading this) can agree that there is something missing from Three Putt Bogeys: tits and ass... and sometimes elbow.  Without further ado, I introduce the brand new maybe-daily feature - Is it Tits, Ass, or Elbow?

Click Read More (I think) to find out...

Who's ready for a 4 hour marathon with 100 pitching changes?

Tonights game is going to feature a solid 40 pitching changes and 9 innings of overmanaging. Larussa and Washington are going to be visiting the mound more often than Tim McCarver non sequiturs or Joe Buck going silent. My gut says tonights game is going to be a blowout one way or the other. I think the Cards have the edge with the crowd and how amped they'll still be from last night's classic. But I could also see Carpenter getting lit up and pulled after 2 innings, Larussa managing like its an all star game and the Cards having a huge let down after one of the best games of all time. Either way, it'll probably be a four hour game and I don't really care who wins. It won't be a repeat of last night but I'm hoping it comes down to the last at bat.

Bubs from "The Wire" impersonator tries to steal copper wire from utility pole, only problem being the wires were live and he got electrocuted and died

Huffington Post Chicago - Police say a man who was fatally electrocuted Wednesday night likely died during a failed attempt to steal copper wire from a utility pole.

Lockport Township Fired Protection District personnel responded at 9:22 p.m. Wednesday to a report that a person appeared to be on fire, Battalion Chief Paul Hertzmann told Fox Chicago. An alarm that had been installed after a rash of recent copper thefts in the area notified police officers, but crews could not immediately approach the man, who fell about 20 feet to the ground and appeared to be dead on the scene, because the ground around him was "electrified," Hertzmann told Fox. ComEd workers were called to shut off the power before the victim could be approached.

The brokest I've ever been was my junior year in college. I specifically remember looking through the filthy futon in my room for quarters so I could hit up the Food Lion for some Malboro Smooths and Steel Reserve tallboys. You haven't hit rock bottom until you know that feeling. Well that's what I thought until I read this story. I thought stealing copper wire was something only Bubs did in the wire to score crack. It very well may be that this guy was doing the same thing. But I don't think I'll ever be desperate enough to rip out live utility pole wires so I can sell my shit for 15 cents a foot. Utility Pole Wiring Theft 101 states clearly on page 1 to wear gloves. Page 2 says make sure the wires aren't live before you go ripping them out of a device that powers 100 square blocks.

Guy comes this close to nailing greatest table jump ever

His mind was in the right place. Couple more plyometrics sessions at the gym and this guy will be leapfrogging every tallboy in the cafeteria.

A beginners guide to streaking

Gotta say I like the cone. A nice touch. Why did it take security an hour to get over there? Not even one form tackle or clothesline? Get on your shit, Montana security. Well I hope this serves as a lesson to those still in college that there are basically no repercussions for streaking at a big game, and more students decide to follow in Daniel Thew's footsteps and risk absolutely nothing for a few minutes of fame on campus. Besides having to issue the most half-assed formal apology ever, Daniel got off scot free. Turns out this kid had had a few drinks. No lie. Read the apology I'm not kidding. Let this be a lesson also that the best way to become famous is by getting drunk enough that you'll do something that all your friends and the 26000 other fans in the stadium will remember.

Cuse football gets big win and West Virginia publicly whines about it

The post standard ran a letter yesterday from a distraught West Virginia fan and his experience at the Dome last Saturday night in what was the best regular season game in the last 10 years (at least) for the Cuse. The gist of the story is that the crowd got involved in "Hey you suck" chants, ran closeups of WVU fans when the game was sealed, and Otto grabbed a banjo and started playing "dueling banjos" which apparently disgraced the entire proud state of West Virginia. 

Major in mascotry with a minor in banjo.

Besides wondering how that last one is physically possible, this guy is clearly just a huge whiner. We're used to Philly fans vomiting on little girls and San Francisco Giants fans getting beaten into comas these days, and this guy gets his panties in a bunch when Otto feels like jammin out a little bit after the biggest win in god knows how long. Let the man play if he wants to. 

Seriously though, an excited fan base after a decade of irrelevancy, topped with a win over a ranked opponent in our own house, this guy should know what he's getting himself in to. We're not looking for additional fans right now my friend, so you're either in or you're out. Marrone's got this train rolling and it makes no difference to anyone else if you get on or not. Sorry I'm not sorry we stomped all over you guys on national TV. Maybe this make it hurt a little less. Take it away John:

Your 2011 Champion St. Louis Cardinals

I want to apologize to the entire Texas fanbase. I'm not superstitious but the facts are irrefutable. The baseball gods did not take kindly to my Larussa DUI joke and responded in kind. Just an unreal last 4 innings to that game. If it were the Red Sox or Yankees on the receiving end of this it would be that much better but I guess you can't have everything.

 So the World Series is basically over and this means that the Cardinals just about have this in the bag. Congratulations to your 2011 champions st louis cardinals. Pujols now a Card for life.

Joe Buck poll of the day

Poll of the Day:

Will Joe Buck weep when this game is over and he watches Nolan Ryan celebrate on his beloved Cardinals home turf?

Or will he sob uncontrollably?

Be careful on the streets tonight, St Louis. Tony's thirsty.

Update: I was kind of kidding before but now seriously watch out St. Louis.

Update #2: I mean Josh Hamilton is thirsty.

Czech soccer ref gets plastered, throws everybody out of the game

Somewhere in Europe -  Apparently the ref Tomas Fidra had been celebrating his birthday before the game and reportedly ‘smelt like a brewery’.  He spent the first few minutes of the game stumbling around the pitch before deciding to send off three Jestrabi Lhota players for no reason. After spending much of the early minutes of the match stumbling around the pitch and falling over, the official then decided to send off three Jestrabi Lhota players for no reason. An official from the Jestrabi Lhota club Karel Dusek told the Lidove Noviny newspaper that the boozed-up referee ‘didn’t try to hide that he had been celebrating’. He said that undercurrent rules there is nothing that bans a drunken referee from taking charge of a fixture which is why the game continued even though one team only had eight players.


This ref has got some serious #swag. And if you didn't notice what I did there I just tweeted the shit out of #swag. Truthfully though if anything this guy blends in with the rest of the vodka-smashed European crowd and I'm surprised that this story made it out of Shantytown, Czech Republic, let alone all the way to the United States. Isn't that par for the course over there? The fans sure as shit get wasted, now the refs get wasted, I can guarantee the players get wasted. I guess what I'm saying is this story shouldn't be in the news at all. It's all about context. In the Czech Republic, a wasted soccer ref gets bombed for his birthday and tosses some flop artist soccer players for no reason? OK and then what happened? Don't they dump a bucket of Stoli on the winning coach after he wins the futbol championship over there? If this happens in America I'm pretty sure he's lynched by the end of the day by asshole politicians who feel that this ref embodies all that is wrong with the American youth today. Meanwhile Czechoslovakians laugh it off and take a celebratory shot. Nice work, Tomas Fidra.

Aaaaand that'll just about do it for big east football

If there were any doubts that the Big East was going to collapse and/or cease to exist before today those should be just about completely erased with the news that WVU is headed to the Big 12. John Marinatto flexes his nuts, raises the conference exit fee to $10 mil, and... promptly loses another premiere member of the conference to the crumbling Big 12. Nice work, John. He really might be the worst commissioner in all of sports. A day late and a dollar short once again. I mean say what you want about Bettman and the NHL or Stern and the NBA, but Marinatto watched the dominoes fall around him since he took over the league and sat on his hands. Could see the writing on the wall from outer fuckin space.

At this point, why the hell would CUSA and the MWC want to merge with the Big East? The Big East's AQ bid is as good as gone, and will adding Rutgers, USF, Cinci, Uconn, or Louisville add any value whatsoever to that conference? Not a chance. Plus the idea of a 25 team conference is laughable and entirely unfeasible.

Anyone whining about how college athletics is now all about the money, and complaining that college administrators don't care enough about the education of its athletes can shut up. It's been like this for 20 years.

Man defies logic, turns in $150k he finds in his backyard, rewarded with new teeth

Outside Chicago -  A man who found $150,000 in his backyard this summer and gave it to the police got his reward Monday. Wayne Sabaj, 49, didn't get the money but he did get his wish for a new set of teeth. A local dentist heard about his plight and decided to replace his teeth for free. "I just really appreciate it, you know, 'cause I haven't had teeth in so long and they all hurt," said Sabaj. Sabaj may get to keep the cash if no one comes forward to claim it after a year.

I want to applaud you Wayne for being the good samaritan you are but honestly I don't understand how people can do this. It'd be nice to think that I could give that much money back. And to be honest I would think about it for about five seconds. Then right after that I would think that the $150 thousand that ended up in my backyard was part of God's plan to reward me for some unknown reason. I don't know the circumstances of how he found the money or how it ended up there. But whoever loses $150K obviously doesn't care about it enough and therefore doesn't really deserve to have it back. The money I'm sure goes straight to the "evidence room," whatever that means. And apparently they wait a year to see if someone claims it? I mean is there any other explanation that makes sense other than drug money or that it was ditched after a robbery? I mean I'm just lost for words. Look at this guy. They didn't even throw in a haircut for him? Dude you could have bought Kanye's diamond dentures with that kind of dough and had all the trailer park groupies tryin to catch a glimpse of your new grill. Whenever shit goes down and something goes wrong people like to say it's all part of God's plan. Well Wayne God just threw $150K in your face begging you to get a haircut take a shower and buy some damn teeth and you just flat out ignored his wishes. Sacrilege if you ask me, and Wayne is now facing damnation for the rest of eternity.

Theo officially in

Obviously I didn't watch the whole thing because it's 47 minutes long. Despite what I said yesterday about Theo not being the savior of the organization, after watching this I really do think Theo can bring a different attitude to the team. The Cubs and winning aren't exactly terms that go hand in hand but it's the swagger and the mentality of expecting to win that is significantly lacking from management to the fans. He seems like he's sincere about changing the culture of the team. Look at what happened to Red Sox fans. They went from expecting to having their hearts broken every single year to freaking the fuck out and getting rid of a guy who, maybe not assembled, but helped assemble two championship teams in a nine or so year tenure.  Regardless of how he left Boston, he still has those two world series titles to his name which is more than any GM in baseball can say besides Cashman. Hendry always kind of seemed like he would talk about bringing a winner to Chicago but was crossing his fingers under the table at the same time. I'm still sticking to my idea that whatever Theo does in the next few months are going to be viewed as great moves, solely because of the fanfare that has followed his leaving Boston. At the same time I think he can help change the Cubs culture. He bought himself some time when he said how the team would have to "grind" its way to the top (read: we're gonna be pretty shitty for a while). Focusing on player development will be huge for him, along with restocking the farm system with decent prospects. A big free agent signing shouldn't be a team's M.O. to building a winning team, and I don't expect him to go out and start spending boatloads of money. It should start from the ground up, and with a payroll like the Cubs', using the money to fill in a glaring hole on the roster. And that's exactly what has crippled this team for the past few years and most likely for the next few years to come: applying band aids to a team bleeding to death. Theo Epstein won't win a World Series but the players he puts on the field might.

Get rid of Soriano and Zambrano ASAP.

Asshole dentist tries to bribe kids for their Halloween candy, ruin Halloween for them at the same time

Ohio- The Mansfield News Journal reports that dentist Craig Callen and his associates are offering kids $1 per pound of candy they bring in, with a 5-pound limit per child. The dentists are also holding a drawing for two children's bikes.


This guy might be the biggest dick on the planet. At least in Ohio. Halloween and Christmas are number 1 and 1a when it comes to holidays for kids, and Craig Callen is singlehandedly trying to ruin what should be one of the happiest days of a kids year. But I've got some bad news for Dr. Callen. His ploy is going to backfire. All these kids are going to fight like their fucking lives depended on it to hold on to their stash, even if their parents try to make them sell it off. In the elementary school world a king size candy bar is worth about a thousand dollars. Whereas a thousand dollars is worth shit because your parents would take that money and spend it on their own selfish asses. And unless the bike has pegs on it no one is falling for that trap either, Craig. Even if his brainwashing works on some of Ohio's unsuspecting youth, those kids are doomed to a month of ridicule with the most pathetic lunches imaginable, while Timmy and Sally dump out brown paper bags full of Reeses and Milky Ways. Being this guys kid must be the worst thing imaginable. Not only is he going to take away all your halloween candy and give it to the homeless, but youre gonna have to put up with being known as the kid of the guy who tried to ruin Halloween for everyone. And I'll bet dollars to donuts that each kid who gets manipulated into this atrocity takes his $5 and goes immediately to the drug store to stock back up.

Every year for Christmas I wanted a Powerwheels or a bike with pegs and I never got one.

Theo arrives at Wrigley, Cubs still only won 71 games last year

Wrigley- I know exactly what Theo is thinking in this picture. How fast can I get rid of Soriano and how much will I need to overpay Pujols to get him to come here? At least that's what I thought when I saw it.

So Theo is now in Chicago and he met with Ricketts and his bosses today. Let me explain why this is the most overblown story in sports right now.

Theo Epstein sits an office and luxury box and observes the players on the field. He will not win 20 games. He will not hit 45 homers. He will not drive in 100 runs in 2012. Rather, he will use his Harvard education to watch baseball players and determine how much he should or shouldn't pay them to come play baseball in Chicago. Does this change the fact that the team led baseball in walks last year and only won 71 games? No. Soriano is still waiting on his $55MM that he has left. Zambrano is still owed $15MM for next year. Ramirez might not be coming back unless he wants to take a pay cut. In all likelihood, this team is going to be substantially worse next year. In an ideal world, Epstein could move Soriano, Zambrano, and Dempster, throw young arms into the rotation for a year and see who wants to join Garza in the rotation. Any discount on those wastes of roster spots would be a godsend to this underachieving team.

The good news for Theo is that any move he makes is going to come with the idea that it's all part of his master plan to build a winner. He will do no wrong in the eyes of the fans for the first few years of his tenure. That rhetoric gets old quickly and especially considering, unless major moves are made and there's some upheaval with this team, the team is going to be about the same if not worse than it was this year. I'll take a year of being worse if it means clearing house, and getting rid of the absurd amount of deadweight contracts on this team, and simultaneously building for the next decade.

Old lady busted for trying to pawn off her moon rock collection

California-  The elaborate mission to recover a moon rock led NASA agents to one of the most down-to-earth places: a Denny's restaurant in Riverside County.

But at the end of the sting operation, agents were left holding a speck of lunar dust smaller than a grain of rice and a 74-year-old suspect who was terrified by armed officials. Five months after NASA investigators and local agents swooped into the restaurant and hailed their operation as a cautionary tale for anyone trying to sell national treasure, no charges have been filed, NASA isn't talking and the case appears stalled. The target, Joann Davis, a grandmother who says she was trying to raise money for her sick son, asserts the lunar material was rightfully hers, having been given to her space-engineer husband by Neil Armstrong in the 1970s. "It's a very upsetting thing," Davis told The Associated Press. "It's very detrimental, very humiliating, all of it a lie.”

 The case was triggered by Davis herself, according to a search warrant affidavit written by Norman Conley, an agent for the inspector general. She emailed a NASA contractor May 10 trying to find a buyer for the rock, as well as a nickel-sized piece of the heat shield that protected the Apollo 11 space capsule as it returned to earth from the first successful manned mission to the moon in 1969. "I've been searching the internet for months attempting to find a buyer," Davis wrote. "If you have any thoughts as to how I can proceed with the sale of these two items, please call."

In follow-up phone conversations with a NASA agent, Davis acknowledged the rock was not sellable on the open market and fretted about an agent knocking on her door and taking the material, which she was willing to sell for "big money underground." "She must know that this is a questionable transaction because she used the term `black market,'" Agent Conley states in the search warrant.

Curiously, though, Davis agreed to sell the sample to NASA for a stellar $1.7 million. She said she wanted to leave her three children an inheritance and take care of her sick son.


When officers in flack vests took a hold of her, the 4-foot-11 woman said she was so scared she lost control of her bladder and was taken outside to a parking lot, where she was questioned and detained for about two hours.

Only a professional and someone with years of experience dabbling in the "black market" could come up with a figure like $1.7 million off the top of her head. You don't just ballpark the price of your speck of moondust and guesstimate, "Meh, I don't know, I'll take $1.7 mil for it I guess." Not a chance. Everything about poor innocent Joann Davis screams that she's hiding something else. Something bigger. If she's not pawning illegal weapons and drugs and a running a prostitution ring from her basement then I don't know who would. Hiding in broad daylight is one of the best strategies there is for evildoers like Joann Davis and she's got it down. Unassuming tiny old woman just eating her grand slam breakfast busts out a fat sack of moondust when someone walks by and drops the code word. It's the perfect plan minus contacting NASA asking for tips on how to market her product. No one contacts the DEA asking what the best way to go about pushing the stash of meth you just inherited. That's poor form. So is pissing your pants after getting pinched, black market street cred gets knocked down a few points after that I'm sure. Really though Joann Davis was this close to cashing out on her retirement plan but I think the lesson to be learned here is that rookie mistakes will kill you whether you're an NFL quarterback or a veteran in black market dealings.

BREAKING NEWS: Cheese most stolen food item in the world

Scientists-  Move over Kobe beef and aged whiskey. It turns out cheese is the most stolen food in the world, says a recent global study.

That's the finding of a new report by the U.K.'s Center for Retail Research, which surveyed 1,187 retailers representing more than 250,000 retail outlets across 43 countries.

The figures showed 4% of cheese went missing from store shelves.

This one hits home. No lie I think I accounted for 20% of the world's cheese theft back when I was in college. Thought I was the smoothest criminal this side of Michael Jackson. I probably made off with a good 450 mozzarella string cheeses from the campus Wawa between my sophomore and junior years. The truth is though everyone has stolen something while drunk and I'll be the first to admit my M.O. was lifting two solid handfuls of string cheeses each drunken night and stuffing them in my jeans like I was some sort of wasted fraternity rat.  It comes down to simple mathematics. The taste plus portability times concealability equals how worth it it is to steal a food item, and cheese gets the highest of marks. Long story short, one morning after blacking out and waking up alone to nothing but a wasteland of plastic wrappers blowing like tumbleweeds across my dorm room floor I decided to hang em up. I couldn't face who I had become and put an end to my days of committing grand larceny. But I see cheese continuing to be one of the most sought after and highly stolen foods in the world for years to come. Highlight from the video:

I don't know what the fuck is up with this Gollum cubs fan but from the looks of it whatever she's holding is the one cheese to rule them all.