Three Putt Bogeys is now threeputtbogeys.com

Some good news: the site has moved on to greener pastures and can now be found at threeputtbogeys.com. You can still count on the hilarious commentary, baseless assumptions, and uninformed analysis that has made TPB infamous in the blogosphere. Chicago Sports Rundown, Lunch Break Boner, Tits Ass or Elbow, and the staples that you can't live without will all still be available for your viewing pleasure. This month we will be giving away some free shit and bringing the blogging pain on a day to day basis. Visit the new and improved blogging sensation:

Three Putt Bogeys

G.O.A.T. tells the players they can suck it if they think the BRI split is unfair

Lockout talks - Multiple reports said late Thursday that a group of roughly 50 players might seek to decertify the players association, which likely would plunge the labor mess into the courts and possibly spell a death knell on the entire season. However, one source who had been briefed on the players' talks with an antitrust attorney said there isn't yet widespread support for the move.

As for the owners, the New York Times reported Friday that Bobcats majority owner Michael Jordan is leading a group of 10-to-14 hard-line owners who will oppose any deal offering more than a 50-50 split of income.

Jordan famously told late Wizards owner Abe Pollin "if you can't make a profit, you should sell your team" during the last lockout that claimed 32 games of the 1998-99 season. The owners will meet Saturday morning before negotiations begin with the union.

This is exactly why the players union is completely screwed. You've got the greatest player all time pretty much saying, "F*** you guys were not letting you play until you do what we tell you." How are the players going to be able to combat that? Right now, Billy Hunter is kinda doing whatever he feels like doing and JJ Redick and friends getting embarrassed by some D-2 college squad. The players are disorganized and are fragmenting off into different camps. Great move by MJ though, I love everything about it. As a guy who got everything he has now by working hard he's earned the right to tell the whining players to sit down and shut up. If MJ is saying there won't be anything less than a 50-50 split then you better believe there won't. Just goes to show you that what made MJ the G.O.A.T. would have made him successful in whatever he wanted to do. Imposing his will on whoever he wanted just to make sure he got what he needed. His addiction to winning and dominating whatever came between him and his goal is what defined him before, during, and after his playing career. He dominated basketball, tried to dominate baseball, delivers awesome hall of fame speeches, and now needs to dominate the pussy players union as an owner, which is whining about a drop in the bucket when there's $2billion on the table. The owners are going to stand pat and the players are going to blink first with MJ telling the owners to hold their ground. MJ...the best there ever was. The best there ever will be.

Your weekend lineup 11/4

"Good luck in the Sugar Bowl." - winning coach

MLB

Manager hot stove! Red Sox, Cards, and of course the Cubs continue their searches. Cubs interview Mackanin and despite the sarcastic post from yesterday he really did know what he was talking about in his interviews and seemed like he could be a very solid manager. He has experience at different levels and could be exactly what Theo wants as he tries to integrate the various departments in the Cubs machine, whatever that means. I truly think Maddux will end up in Boston and don't think Epstein wants to ignite a media firestorm and hire Francona. Mackanin seemed very knowledgeable and I could get on board with that decision. 

NBA

Lockout talks resume on Saturday and the players union mulling decertification, thus effectively ending the season. Still hope they can salvage a drastically shortened season and implement a sweet format as I stated before but it sounds like the situation gets worse and worse every day.

Alabama-LSU 8/7pm central on CBS

We all know the deal. Number 1 vs. Number 2. Nick Saban vs. Les Miles in the de facto SEC and/or National Championship. Trent Richardson and home field for Bama is the difference, the Crimson Tide squeak out a win and Les Miles eats 2 cubic feet of grass. Take the 5 or so points that LSU is getting.

#9 South Carolina at #7 Arkansas 7:15/6:15 central on ESPN

The undercard to LSU-Bama. With a USC loss, Georgia takes first place in the East division after their easy win, and sets up a potential SEC championship matchup between the winner of LSU-Bama. 

Nothing of note in the B1G. Maybe Iowa over #15 Michigan at home, take the 3.5 points. Assuming Nebraska and MSU win (with Nebraska blowing out NU, 2:30pm Big10 Network) that leaves a tie between those two schools for first in the Legends divison, with Penn State dominating the leaders division.

NFL

1/12pm games

Two "back" remote button games:

Bucs at Saints - Fox

Bucs want a tie for the NFC south lead and the Saints look to take control of the division if the Falcons can't beat the Colts. The Colts are tied for first in the Andrew Luck division. Falcons are -7.5 and if you don't think they're covering you're a fool. 

Jets at Bills - CBS

Bills look to ride last weeks momentum from shutting out the Skins and the Jets want to set up a potential three way tie if the Pats lose. Speaking of...

4/3pm central "back" remote button games:

Giants at Pats

Could be wrong but I believe this is the first time the Giants have gone to NE since Syracuse's own David Tyree won the Super Bowl and singlehandedly (headedly?) beat the undefeated Patriots. Giants want to increase their distance between the Eagles after Monday night's inevitable beatdown. 

Packers at Chargers

Watching Aaron Rodgers has become appointment viewing. Unquestionably the best quarterback in the league on the best team in the league. Dude's a machine. 

Sunday Night

Ravens at Steelers - 8/7pm central on Sunday

Great comeback by the Ravens last week at home vs. AZ (AZ?), but you can trust Joe Flacco about as far as you can throw him and the dude weighs 245 lbs. Steelers for sure to cover the three point spread.

Hawks and Bears covered in this weeks rundown.

Enjoy the weekend everybody!

Gary Bettman might be the happiest guy on the face of the earth right now

The guy known as the most inept Commissioner in sports might be able to grow his league due to the  extenuating circumstances in other major sports leagues.

So watching the Blackhawks tonight got me thinking. Now for those of you who don't know, the Blackhawks are a Chicago based hockey team that plays in the NHL, or National Hockey League. Hockey is a sport played on ice with skates and sticks and a round rubber puck that you shoot into a small goal. 

You may be aware that the NFL has recently cracked down hard on what the league thinks are dangerous hits in an effort to prevent or avoid head injuries. To contrast that, MMA leagues, which promote violence as its primary selling point, have reached a very high level of popularity in an astronomically short amount of time. You may also be aware that the NBA has locked out its players for four months now and no one can guess when the lockout will be lifted or a CBA will be reached. 

Now Gary Bettman, who has been ripped to shreds during his tenure for mishandling the NHL and overexpanding into markets that shouldn't have hockey teams to begin with, has an opportunity to capitalize on the aforementioned circumstances. 

The NFL, far and away America's most profitable sports league, has started removing the ruthlessness that defined it in previous decades and has started to penalize players for hits like this:

Meanwhile, NBA arenas look like this:

And UFC and similar leagues are getting rich off of this:

I'm not trying to go into a sociological introspective or get behind the psyche of the typical American sports fan. The trend is that violence sells in sports. MMA is getting more popular. ESPN ran its Jacked Up segment until the NFL complained and more and more evidence came out that these hits had long term effects that would go unseen for years. The NHL offers an outlet on a day to day basis for the hard hits and violence that the NFL offers. 

The 82 game format is the same format used in the NBA and the games are played about as frequently. Not to mention, you can actually take off your gloves and fight like a couple of bar room pugilists during prohibition at any point during the game or whenever the situation calls for it.

The NBA has the most to lose right now obviously. Players are missing paychecks and owners are losing revenue. Business that thrived off of the business of the NBA like bars and restaurants are taking massive hits. Meanwhile the NHL has the most to gain, which is a broader audience who may begin to pay more attention to hockey with the absence of professional basketball. And for that Gary Bettman has an opportunity to capitalize on other leagues' radically changing landscape, and to try to lure in sports fans looking to get their fix. If I'm him I'm using the next few weeks to market the shit out of my product in any way I can.

Kane is just filthy

Hawks 3-2 in a shootout. Kane goes five hole on the last shot of the shootout and wins it.  Definitely one of the more entertaining overtimes this season (already up to 5 OT games). I was all ready to go back to the this team can't make a shootout penalty shot routine but he bails them out after the late goal. Just dirty. For every 9 incredible passes he makes he gets too cute with one pass, but god damn. Kid is just smooth as peanut butter. The smooth variety.

Eagle takes out paraglider at a billion feet above sea level

"YES! ALIVE! SAFE! FUCK! ALIVE! SAFE! EAGLE!" (only need to watch first two minutes)

Let me preface this by telling you that I am scared shitless of heights. Like I get nauseous when I'm sitting on a couch surfin the net and I see one of those wide angle lens shots from like the top of a skyscraper looking straight down. There's a reason people don't have wings and this is exactly why. Eagle sees this guy cruising around on the thermals and stakes his claim to the skies. I'm all about the adrenaline rush but personally I think you can get your thrills at the blackjack table with a whiskey rocks in your hand just as much as you can get them jumping out of a fucking plane.

When I waited tables we would get all these Eastern Europeans to come in and work and it sounded exactly like this when they talked but no one knew what they were saying. I guess now I know that they were just saying fuck you to each other and calling each other bitches as loud as they could which I'm sure is like the Bosnian version of the Penis game.

Billy Corgan aka Smashing Pumpkins guy delivers his expert opinion on managerial search

Despite all my rage Ryne Sandberg still isn't gonna be the new manager.

So the head smashing Pumpkins guy says Ryno got a raw deal by not at least getting an interview for the gig, and despite somewhat agreeing with him I can't believe this got a write up on the Tribune website. I understand that he's a huuuuuuuge Cubs fan like a million other people are. Not really sure how that makes his opinion news worthy. What was the editor thinking? Bruce Levine's opinion...check. Jayson Stark...check. Tim Kirkjian or whatever...check. I guess Billy Corgan is the logical next step on that list. Seriously dude you look like Jack Skellington if he were a person.

Leave the punditry to fake experts and bloggers.

Let's meet Pete Mackanin

With the manager search in full swing, I thought it would be a good time to learn a little more about what seems like the first cadidate to be interviewed for the freshly vacated managerial position, Pete Mackanin.

After extensive research on wikipedia, I found out that Pete was born in Chicago in 1951. He was drafted in 1969 by the perennial powerhouse Washington Senators, and debuted in 1973 at second base. He boasts gaudy career stats of a .226 BA, 30 HRs, and 141 RBIs in almost 600 games played. 

As for his coaching career, that's when things started looking a little better for him. After a couple minor league stints, he became bench coach for the Pirates in 2003, learning all he could from legendary manager Lloyd McClendon. More specifically, Lloyd passed on fundamental base stealing strategy to Pete that we hope he can instill in the Cubs should he be chosen for the job.

Pete then moved on to the Reds system, where was hired as a scout and eventually interim manager when Jerry Narron was fired. He was not hired for the permanent gig, and was instead passed over for what is a very familiar face, Dusty Baker. 

Now I know what you're all thinking. You must not be a very good coach if you get passed over for Dusty. You're probably right. What we know so far about Pete is that he coached under a guy who ripped a base out of the dirt and took off with it after getting ejected, and was passed over for a manager job for the guy who ran Mark Prior's and Kerry Wood's arms into the ground. Pete may in fact be the manager of the team after Mike Maddux inevitably signs with Boston when John Henry offers him double what Theo offers as a final "fuck you." From what it sounds like he could just fit right in. Not really sure how his hiring would coincide with the whole "changing the mentality of the club to a winner" idea but I guess that's why Epstein is making the big decisions and I write snide blogs about them. 

Lunch break babe of the day

Introducing Sarah...

Butler losing its first game of the year makes me so happy even if it doesn't count

This squad had the luckiest two runs in tournament history. Tonight they got beaten 53-50 at the buzzer to a D-II program and I couldn't be happier. Although the last time I remember this happening a certain Syracuse Orange team went on a ridiculous run and would have won the national championship had Georgetown not sabotaged the team and injured Arinze Onuaku. Either way I'm so happy they lost and no I'm definitely not bitter about them knocking Cuse out that year either. I'm not I swear.

Who will be next on Theo's chopping block?

With Cub Nation remembering all the good times of the Mike Quade era and having the sudden urge to drop whatever is in your hands or take a walk, we begin to wonder what Epstein & Co.'s next move will be, and who will be the next in what you would assume is the beginning of the new regime's effort to clean house. With Ramirez leaving and Dempster picking up his own option, that leaves the Cubs with two deadweight contracts that seem to be good options to try to move before spring training. One of which is this guy:

The embodiment of cool, calm, and collected.

Zambrano, much like Ramirez, has been with the team for the better part of 10 years. But he has also provided more regrettable and "negative press" type moments than he's turned in memorable performances, obviously excluding his no hitter a few years back. On the books for $18MM, with the reputation of a cancer and in desperate need for a fresh start, he has to be target #1 to get the axe. I personally think he will end up with the Yankees, the team with the financial means to eat a decent portion of his contract, the need to fill in their rotation, as well as the no-bullshit culture that may straighten him out and let his talent come through. No one denies that he can be a staple in any rotation in the bigs, but his mental makeup has been a drag on what could have been a hugely successful career on the North Side. Ultimately, the negatives outweigh the positives with him and I think Theo looks to move him ASAP.

The other, more complicated piece of the puzzle is Soriano. Personally, watching him swing and miss on breaking balls in the dirt every single game for the past few few years has been fucking infuriating. Frankly I'm surprised he sees any other pitch besides a slider low and away. The following image is emblazoned into my brain:

Look familiar?

Last year, his 26 homers were overshadowed by his abysmal .289 OBP. Surprisingly, his strikeout numbers dropped from 123 to 113. Not to be deterred, he still managed to rank 28th in Ks and 58th in pitches per plate appearance in the NL. Any move Theo makes with Soriano will involve an American League club. He's quintessential DH material as he continues to age and his defense declines. He will be tougher to move than Zambrano and based on what he's already said, Epstein & Co. may decide to hang on to him and see what he's got left in the tank. I'm sure a lot of people, myself included, are crossing their fingers hoping that he gets moved as well. I would rather give Colvin or another young guy his ABs rather than watch him swing and miss for another season. 

Quade getting fired is part of the symbolic overhaul of the franchise. We're saddled with a few bad contracts right now and I think that Theo will think long and hard about each players' individual worth to the team and weigh that against what it is that player is making next season and in the seasons to come. Zambrano and Soriano seem like logical pieces to move and I wouldn't be surprised if management decides to move them sooner rather than later. 

Who are the idiots that actually think trading Peyton Manning makes sense?

Herm Edwards just said on Sportscenter that the Colts need to trade Peyton Manning and get what they can for him now so that they can get Andrew Luck. First of all, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that Peyton Manning could go out on one fucking leg and beat 2/3 of the QBs that are plaguing the league right now. There has been ATROCIOUS play from so many quarterbacks it's hard to put into words. Meanwhile, one of the greatest passers in history is sitting out because of an injury, and the team might trade him to get a guy dominating the Pac-10...sorry Pac-12?

The Colts are winless at 0-8, and the Dolphins are winless at 0-7. The Rams and Cardinals have one win a piece. The Cardinals just traded for Kolb and the Rams are in Year 2 of the Sam Bradford era, so they are pretty set at QB. The Dolphins are probably the only other team that might snag the first pick that would also be interested in a QB, unless Kolb tanks the rest of the year.

The Colts are MAYBE a two win team. What would their record be at the end of the year with Manning? 10-6? 9-7? 8-8? You'd have to think somewhere in that range. Meaning Peyton Manning is worth 6-8 wins BY HIMSELF to the Colts if you assume they finish this season at 2-14. Is it possible to retroactively award Manning 3-4 more MVPs? I mean good god the Colts are bad.

People are saying that Luck is more of a lock than Manning was when he was drafted. Take a look at the past nine QBs taken at number 1 in the draft, since Manning was drafted.

2010 - Bradford
2009 - Matt Stafford
2007 - JAMARCUS RUSSELL
2005 - Alex Smith
2004 - Eli Manning
2003- Carson Palmer
2002 - David Carr
2001- Mike Vick
1999- Tim Couch

Take that impressive list in. Jury is still out on Bradford and Smith. Stafford is playing well and it can't hurt to have the freak known as Calvin Johnson to throw to. Eli Manning as we all know has a ring. Carson Palmer was a flash in the pan. And Couch, Carr, and Russell were flat out, indisputable busts of epic proportions. Mike Vick murdered dogs, and was rewarded with $100MM for 3/4 of a good season last year, and promptly got off to a 1-5 start.

My point being that between all of those QBs, there is one with a Super Bowl title and he is Peyton Manning's younger brother. Are you really going to roll the dice and give up a Super Bowl winning QB for a draft pick that statistically has the odds stacked against him? The draft is a straight crapshoot, spin of the roulette wheel, whatever you want to call it. There is no such thing as a sure thing and to give up Peyton Manning for a draft pick is bananas.

This is all contingent on Manning being able to come back and play again. No team will give up a first round pick, rather ANYTHING, for a guy who might not play another down in his life.

Am I wrong? I'm just not seeing it. You've got a great QB, on the tail end of his career for sure, and you want to sacrifice that for a college guy? Let me know if I'm wrong.

Quade out as manager, here comes Tito

Just as we all suspected after yesterday's press conference, Epstein and Co. decided that Mike Quade wasn't the man to lead the Cubs into this new era. Jim Hendry passed over Ryno to promote Quade and that move did not pay off to say the least. You have to figure Francona will be one of Epstein's primary targets as a replacement for Quade.  He might be too fresh off of the Sox' collapse this past fall to assume another demanding managing role. The team led baseball, not just the National League, but all of baseball, in walks and errors last year and it's those fundamental problems that the team needs to address moving forward. No hard feelings between the club and Quade but this is the right move at the right time. 

On top of that, the Cards are going after Ryno. I can't really think of anything worse than seeing Sandberg replace Larussa, coming off of a championship season, and the Cubs being as bad as they were this year.

Trent Richardson is OK at being a running back

Couple weeks old but I just saw it. Reason #1 Alabama is winning this weekend.

Assholes feed dog an LSD gummy worm and then he got hit by a car and died

Somewhere in Georgia- Police said a dachshund was hit by a car and injured Sunday night after it had been fed LSD by its owners.
CBS Affiliate WGCL reports that police responded to a call Sunday evening of a naked man and woman running down Pinehurst Road. According to Captain Harold Thomas, officers knocked on the door of a house and Nicholas Modrich answered the door naked. According to police, Modrich and Jamie Hughes, both 25, told officers they had taken LSD, and had given some to their dog Oscar, who was missing."They were tripping pretty hard," Captain Thomas told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Officers began to search for Oscar, and learned he had been hit by a car on a nearby road.

After being hit, Thomas said, the dog bit Modrich's mother and brother.

Well it turns out that Oscar died. They had to euthanize him. I think what bothers me almost as much as the idiots who gave this innocent dog a drug worm that ultimately killed him is the flat out disrespectful picture that CBS news decided to run with this story:

I can guarantee you that that is not Oscar the Dachsund and that is not a real picture of the crime scene. And it seems like they are almost making fun of the story. Does that not look like a happy dog behind some police tape? Would any dog be happy after getting hit by a car ruining a perfectly good acid trip? My best guess is no but I really can't say for sure because I don't get down like that. It's just not for me.

Have some class CBS news and put a picture that correctly addresses the tone of the story. And the tone of this story made me wish there were two dead naked hippies lying in the road hit by a car instead of Oscar the Dachsund. RIP.

The expectations for Cuse scare the shit out of me

Syracuse is set up to fail this year. There really is no other way to put it. I'm not trying to be negative or pessimistic. Scoop, now a senior, is known more so for his boneheaded plays than for his positive contributions. The guy who is expected to be our crunch time scorer, Joseph, has been an enigma. Admit it, you would check the boxscore after some games last year and see KJo had 22 and be like, "Wow, I can't remember a single significant basket he made all game." It might not be fair and just reflective of the expectations placed on him. He flourished in a bench role in the 2009-2010 season, but last year suggested that he didn't want to be "the guy" for the team. Triche could hit five 3s in one game and then not take a shot the next.

We are LOADED with young talent. No one would deny that. Fair, Waiters, Carter Williams, and Cooney could all start for a fair amount of D1 programs. This is Boeheim's golden era of recruiting and it shows. We've had a top 10 recruiting class the last two years and won the Big East regular season title in 2010. Fab looks like he's in great shape and dropped 14 in tonight's exhibition, and I think Fair and Waiters will show drastic improvement from last year. Christmas, as long as he can stay in shape and not wear down towards the end of the year, will have an impact.

That being said, I don't think a plethora of young talent and veteran leaders NECESSARILY equates to postseason success, but they are definitely correlated. I think the biggest thing for the team will be recapturing the offensive flow the 2009-2010 team had. Last year, the offense stalled for stretches and often when we needed a crucial bucket. That can't happen this year. And obviously our last second shot offense needs to be worked on...cough...SCOOP...cough...

But old habits die hard. I don't think its easy to change the way you've played for years and eliminate mental mistakes that plagued the team like Scoop's did. Joseph might have the nicest J on the team and look like he should be dropping 25 a night, but if that's not the player that he wants to be then it won't happen.  Triche might be our best deep threat but if he doesn't shoot the ball then it doesn't really matter does it? I'm saying the mental aspects of each player's game are going to be what needs to change the most from last season to this season if we're going to go deep into the tournament.

No one questions the talent that each player has. We're deeper than we've ever been, and we're number 5 in the polls and a co-favorite to win the big east. I just don't know if we can throw around "Final Four" when we have such fundamental problems to address. I don't like the expectations for this squad, and if we're successful it's going to be because one of the younger guys.

Illinois congressman says the NCAA is basically the mafia

Pictured: NCAA President Mark Emmert

ESPN- A Democratic congressman compared the NCAA to the Mafia over how it controls the lives of student athletes.

"I think they're just one of the most vicious, most ruthless organizations ever created by mankind," Illinois Rep. Bobby Rush said of the NCAA at a congressional forum on college sports Tuesday. "I think you would compare the NCAA to Al Capone and to the Mafia."

Rush made the accusations at the forum called to look at the impact of "back-room deals, payoffs and scandals" in college sports.

The NCAA declined to respond to Rush's comments.

Tell em how you really feel Bobby.  But who is this news to exactly? Bobby Rush isn't exactly making an outlandish statement or a shocking revelation. Mark Emmert aka capo di tutti capi or NCAA president has had a hit out on Joe Paterno for decades now, dating back to when JoePa was nothing but a footsoldier.

Everyone knows the athletes should be paid. This has been said countless times and I won't be the last to say it. College athletes are flat out exploited like a $5 Vietnamese whore. Trading millions of dollars in profit for an education that most prominent college athletes will hardly use, if they use it at all, is the biggest sham in sports. The NCAA is ignoring Econ 101 and the idea of the invisible hand. If there is incentive to get Dajuan Coleman to come to Syracuse to put asses in the seats, then there will be a market to provide him with as many strippers and as much blow as it will take to get him to come there. Don't ask me, that's straight out of the Wealth of Nations. You can take it up with Adam Smith if you've got a problem with giving recruits money or benefits. It's the way the college sports world works these days. I mean has no one in the NCAA seen the 30 for 30 about theU or SMU? Players have been getting paid for 30 years. Probably much longer than that so it's time to stop pretending that the kid with a 4.3 40-time isn't getting at least a free beej when he makes his official visit to Alabama.

Quade and Big Z as good as gone

Anyone who saw the Mcleod/Hoyer press conference will agree that watching Theo dance around the Quade question seems to indicate he'll be gone next season. I think Epstein doesn't want to come off as reactionary and rash in firing him immediately after being introduced so he's going to take his time in letting him go. They want to come off as being thoughtful before overhauling the current culture of the team. And that includes guys like Quade who led a squad that led the league in walks and had more errors than hits this year. 

In accordance with the new culture of the club, you have to think that Zambrano is gone too. His talent has been overshadowed by his cancerous behavior and Theo and Hoyer will do what they can to move him and his enormous contract. Wouldn't be surprised if the Yankees make a play for him to shore up their underachieving rotation.

Guy who predicted the end of the world three times this year decides to hang em up

Huffington Post- Three proposed Rapture dates have come and gone, and the world has not ended.

Controversial Christian broadcaster Harold Camping has acknowledged his faulty projections, and issued an apology to his followers. The Christian Postreports that the longtime radio evangelist has retired.

Brandon Tauszik, documentarian, told the Postexclusively that he had spoken to Camping, who seemed "disappointed" by his failed predictions and said he "is no longer able to lead Family Radio Stations, Inc., or his ministry."

In an audio message posted on Camping's Family Radio website, the 90-year-old broadcaster told his listeners that the Rapture did not occur October 21 because it was ultimately God's will. "He could have stopped everything if He had wanted to," he said.

In addition, he admits that his calculations were wrong and tells his followers that "we should be very patient about this matter. At least in a minimal way we are learning to walk more and more humble before God."

I guess Harold Camping was watching the Cards win the World Series and decided to go out just like Tony Larussa. Scratch that he saw Brett Favre retire a few years ago and wanted to go out like Brett Favre.  When you're 0-100 on apocalypse predictions I guess that's when you realize that apocalypse predictions might not be your strong suit. Harold Camping was the Brett Favre of the Bible. Just gunslinging doomsday predictions all the way til the end. Stuck to his guns. Was always true to himself. Convinced people nationwide to quit their jobs and build apocalypse bunkers. A little disappointed he didn't stick it out til 2012 when the apocalypse actually does come and the Cubs win the World Series, but hey you have to respect his decision.

Some men just want to watch the world burn: BCS edition

It's that time of year again folks! Where the sports world gets turned into complete and utter chaos. Up is down. Left is right. North is south. Absolutely nothing makes sense at all. 

Of course I'm talking about the weekend's Bama-LSU matchup. That's right: what might end up being the true SEC and National Championship game is taking place two months before some coach raises that stupid crystal football above his head in a monsoon of confetti. This game is going to be on every football fan's tv this weekend. Les Miles is going to be eating so much grass he'll shit haybales. 

Part of a balanced breakfast.

I for one can't get enough of the BCS. You can pretty much know EXACTLY how the ESPN/Sportscenter dialogue will go on Sunday and Monday:

Anchor 1: Alabama squeaks by LSU in an instant classic in triple OT! Alabama will first in the BCS rankings but what does this do to LSU's title chances?

Anchor 2: OMG GET RID OF THE BCS ITS GARBAGE LSU IS OUT IN WEEK 10 BOISE STATE OKLAHOMA STATE TCU NOT FAIR I HATE SPORTS PLAYOFF PLAYOFF PLAYOFF PLAYOFF!!!!!!!!!! 

And really its just hilarious. We've heard the same arguments each year, at the exact same times, for the past decade. If the current format were to change it would have been done years ago. Anyone who believes that the BCS is actually considering changing the bowl system, I have a bridge to sell you. If it ain't broke don't fix it. The B1G and SEC took in $22MM for last years bowls, and the ACC, Pac-10(12), Big 12, and Big East (haha) all took in $17MM. That my friends is not a broken system. Bitch all you want about fairness and opportunity and blah blah blah. The BCS and the chaos and rage and whining it brings with it are here to stay.

LSU-Alabama Saturday at 8 with the national title on the line.

NFL Rookies Heat Up

With 8 weeks in the books, it is safe to say that Panther's QB Cam Newton has the NF's most prestigious prize of "Offensive Rookie of the Year" locked up. Or has he? This is the type of no brainer question I love to ask myself when the answer seems so simple. "Ca-yum," as Deion Sanders loves to exclaim, is by far the sexiest pick as he puts up the gaudiest of numbers. But are stats really everything? New York Jets' boisterous Head Coach Rex Ryan always likes to say (paraphrasing), "The most important stat in the league is wins. At the end of the day, I want to lead the league in wins." Now I know this argument is usually reserved for MVP battles, but I think it should hold some credence here as well. For all of the statistics Cam Newton has accumulated, he has only gathered 2 wins to show for it and is not going to be a factor in the playoff push. On the other hand, both QB Andy Dalton and WR AJ Green play on a Bengals team in the middle of a heated playoff race in the AFC. At 5-2, they have a legitimate shot at winning their division and even securing a first round bye and home field advantage for the playoffs.

The Bengals rely on these Dalton and Green to move the offense and allow a very talented defense to rest. Though Green is a very talented wide-out and will be for years to come, he can't really win the ROY award because he has Dalton throwing every TD pass he hauls in. This leaves Andy Dalton, "The Ginger Slinger" as Cam Newton's main competition for Offensive Rookie of the Year. If Dalton can game manage the Bengals deep into the playoffs, I think it would be very hard not to give him the nod for the award. While Cam Newton racks up big numbers during garbage time, Andy Dalton will be methodically moving his team into an opportunity to win meaningful games.

...(Scratching head in frustration)...

As I read back that last paragraph looking for a smooth transition into the grand finale of crowning Andy Dalton this year's top rookie, I realized the fatal flaw in the Dalton/Newton debate. Andy Dalton is a solid game manager; Cam Newton is a game changer. Although wins have evaded Newton, he strikes fear into his opposition's defenses as the top QBs in the league now (Brady, Rodgers, Brees, Vick, P Manning*). He is a faster Ben Roethlisberger. He is a bigger mike Vick with a more accurate arm. He likes throwing the ball deep down field and is the Panther's best goal line back. He also lacks hapy feet. This is the most telling sign of a good young quarterback. Rookie QBs often have trouble adjusting to the speed in the NFL. Imagining multiple 6-5, 300+lb defensive players running at you full speed trying to end your life, it easy to see how a player may get a bit uneasy in the pocket. It is a problem many QBs in the league still deal with on a week to week basis. Not Cam, he does a great job keeping his eyes down field, stepping up when he feels pressure, and fires a bullet. Of course he posses the rare ability to tuck it and run for a huge gainer, or break a what-should-be easy sack and somehow turning a disastrous play into a huge play that can break the will of a defense. A true phenom.

Reading back this time I feel much more comfortable making this transition. You see the icing on the cake is in the numbers. You see, Cam Newton is not putting up good numbers...he is breaking records. He is on pace to eclipse 5,000yds (passing and rushing) with 35 TDs, numbers that put him up there the likes of the Top 5 QBs in the league. Cam Newton is picking up where Mike Vick left off last year, only Cam is build to take a beating unlike Vick. He also posses the leadership qualities you look for in a QB, and has been dealing with adversity for over 3 years now. So even though Andy Dalton may finish with the better record this year...Cam Newton is the one you will be telling your grandkids about.

The lockout is stupid and I hope it keeps going

The amount of "tree falls in the forest but no one hears it does it make a sound" jokes that went through my head when trying to figure out a headline...well that was really the only one I thought of. The circumstances change from minute to minute. Yesterday a deal was 95% done and today I read an article that said the players and owners were no closer to making a deal than they were two months ago. My guess as to when the lockout ends is worth about the same as this blog.

I'll admit I'm a college basketball fan through and through. The style of the game is far and away more entertaining to watch, because I can relate to unathletic white guys makin it rain from 20 feet all day. I've tried liking the league a bunch of times and could never get into it. I guess watching dudes who are going to make more money in a year than I'll make in a lifetime dog it for 48 minutes just never tickled my fancy. But that's just me. I know there are plenty of people out there who are so NBA starved that they sleep with their LeBron jerseys under their pillows every night and weep.

The thing about the lockout is I can see this working out for the league. How sweet would a drastically shortened season be? It would be like 3-4 months of playoffs. Imagine a scenario of a 29 game season. Each teams plays each other once, so in essence a round robin, and you'd cut the playoff spots in half. Built in playoff games for ties for fourth place in each conference. Head to head record for seeding tie breakers up top. Best of five game series. A shorter season format will do wonders for getting fans into the teams' seats who claim that they hemorrhage money every season. I'd watch the shit out of that and I can guarantee you it'd be a playoff atmosphere just about every game. Worst case scenario you can find out which fan bases don't deserve a team and give em the axe to quit the owners' bitching about revenue sharing.

The players cant afford to keep missing paychecks. If anyone blinks first it will be them just because there will be more dissent from the scrubs of the league than the poorest owners. Thirty owners can stick together sitting on their mountains of money longer than the players who just bought a yacht on layaway.

If I don't get a sweet shortened format I'm not going to watch the regular season. It's boring and the players don't care so why should I? Wake me up when the playoffs start so I can clear out the two fuckin months it takes to play those.

Syracuse Basketball Preview

The Syracuse basketball team enters the 2011-2012 season with high expectations. National polls and pundits have Syracuse among the top ten and in most cases, top five best teams in the country.

Forward Rick Jackson is the only significant loss from a team that went 27-8 last year before a crushing second-round NCAA Tournament loss to Marquette. Let’s take a look at this year’s Orange squad.

Guards:

It all starts with enigmatic point guard Scoop Jardine. Last year he drove Orange fans crazy with his inconsistent play and poor crunch-time decisions. Buried in the negatives is the fact that Jardine tied for the conference lead in assists at a shade under six per game. Over the summer he was selected for a USA team and played in China. There is no question he is the most vocal member of the team. As the senior leader, it’s up to Jardine to steer the team and be a steady hand. If he has the confidence in his teammates, expect his scoring to go down and his assists to go up. He’s arguably the best point guard in the conference along with Pittsburgh’s Ashton Gibbs and Louisville’s Peyton Siva.

Next to Jardine is junior Brandon Triche. He’s a hard-to-read player. He rarely shows his emotion during the game but has the ability to be the crunch time scorer the team desperately needs. He trimmed down during the off-season and is finally adjusted to his role as a scorer instead of distributor. This is a make-or-break year for Triche. He has to show Orange fans he can be counted on to make the big play. Last year he was prone to disappearing for large stretches of the game. This year he could continue to be a 12 point per game guy or finally use his talent and make the leap to Big East POY numbers.

The third guard in the rotation is Dion Waiters. The sophomore struggled for most of the season and went through his share of adversity. He also trimmed down and could be the scoring punch Syracuse needs off the bench. He is probably the best on the team at getting to the hoop, proof in his relentless drives during the tournament loss to Marquette last year. Syracuse also has two true freshmen in Michael Carter-Williams and Trevor Cooney. Both have received positive reviews in practice but coach Jim Boeheim is notorious for his short bench so it’s possible he sticks with Jardine, Triche, and Waiters with the freshman getting minutes sparingly.

Forwards:

Senior small forward Kris Joseph is the other team leader along with Jardine. He has developed slowly throughout his career, going from key bench player, to solid starter and now the potential to be the team’s leading scorer. He has always been strong with the ball, maybe he even too strong considering the amount of charges he got last year. Still, he’s another talented veteran player who can consistently score between 14-20 points every game. His three-point shot improved greatly last year and the hope is that he’s added a pull-up jumper to complement his driving game.

One of the most intriguing names for Syracuse is sophomore C.J. Fair. The lefty quickly became a fan favorite with his unorthodox yet effective game, immediately conjuring up memories of Orange favorite Josh Pace. Fair is battling for a starting position with freshman Rakeem Christmas but ultimately it doesn’t really matter who starts because Fair will certainly be in Boeheim’s crunch-time lineup. The best part about Fair’s game is that he seems to always be in the right spot. He’s added range to his jump-shot and some strength to his upper body. He’s tailor made for the 2-3 zone and will get his share of steals, blocks, and big defensive plays.

Along with Christmas, junior James Southerland is in the mix for minutes at forward. He’s a 6-8 shooter with fantastic athletic ability. Unfortunately his athleticism hasn’t translated to solid defense and rebounding. If he can improve those, he will become another important contributor. Christmas, a McDonald’s All-American is still learning the game on offense and will see the court if he can learn the 2-3 zone and rebound well.

Centers:

Pretty simple here, how far the team goes depends on the inside scoring. Sophomores Fab Melo and Baye Keita offered very little. Melo was the hyped freshman but struggled through weight problems and had a tough time getting used to the rugged and demanding Big East schedule. He’s lost weight and will improve this year. Keita is another offensively-challenged player who will make his mark with good defense and rebounding.

Syracuse can win the national title if:

Scoop Jardine cuts down on turnovers, especially crunch-time turnovers.

Kris Joseph or Brandon Triche become the team’s go-to scoring option

Fab Melo and Baye Keita combined to surpass the production of Rick Jackson last year (13.0 ppg and 10.6 rpg).

Dion Waiters and C.J. Fair avoid the sophomore slump.

The team improves on their 65.9% team free-throw numbers (Last in Big East in 10-11).

They avoid the horrible upset bug over the last 7 years (Vermont, Texas A&M, Butler).

Starting Lineup:

Jardine, Triche, Joseph, Fair, Melo.

Bench: Waiters, Keita, Christmas, Southerland/Carter-Williams.

Late game lineup:

Jardine, Triche, Joseph, Fair, Keita.

Predictions:

Regular Season: 27-4.
NCAA Tournament: Final Four.
Leading Scorer: Kris Joseph.
Breakout Player: C.J. Fair.
Most Improved: Fab Melo.

Do it to 'em Victor, Hawks win 5-4 in OT

Kane: dirty. Stalberg continues his tour de force. Great comeback and way to stand tall after giving up the late goal. Take the two points and lets hit the road.

Tits, Ass, or Elbow... brought to you by the freshly unemployed/buzzed Tony La Russa

Welcome to the second installment of Tits, Ass, or Elbow. Since my last post was such a huge hit in the comment section, I've been invited back. Here we go:

To find out if you know your tits and ass from your elbow, click the ad over there >>>>>>>>>

Would you stab your dad like this lady if he didn't give you his potato salad?

Florida- One charge of aggravated assault, with a side of rage.

Police in Florida arrested a 45-year-old woman after she allegedly attacked her father for refusing to share his potato salad.

Officials say that Karen Henry, of Palm Bay, became enraged during the Oct. 22 incident, wielding a knife against her 80-year-old father and verbally abusing him, CBS Tampa reports.

"Karen became very angry that she could not have the potato salad and began throwing and breaking items," a report obtained by The Daytona Beach News-Journal states. "[She] then grabbed a large kitchen knife and began threatening [her father] with it."

Henry's father, Hubert, defended himself with a chair before retreating to his bedroom for safety, according to reports.

Shortly after police arrested Henry, she began complaining of abdominal pains. Authorities allowed the suspect to be treated at Florida Hospital Flagler, only to catch her on the phone pleading with her father to drop the charges against her. As a result, police added an additional charge to Henry's file: tampering with a witness.

Let's get one thing straight. Potato salad is absolutely disgusting. As a matter of fact, all of those "salads" covered in mayo and shit are so bad that I think if I were starving I'd rather wither away and die rather than eat a giant plate full of potato salad. I mean look at this:

That looks like what comes up after a night of tequila shots and fries at the bar, not a father-stabbing worthy five star French dish. Which is precisely why Karen Henry is batshit crazy. Forget wanting to slice your dad open because he wouldn't share his food with you. I might be willing to sympathize if it were something like Arby's curly fries with some Arby's three pepper sauce. It's fucking potato salad. 

How about the giant middle finger from the police department for the tampering with a witness charge when she asked her dad to drop the charges? Ouch.